Crimson Tears
by KazeKiryoku
Summary: You'd think that life would be better in a world without Angels or Evas, but Rei's life has so far only gotten worse... AU, rated T to be safe, also has romance [pairings still uncertain]
1. Prologue A day in the life

Disclaimer: I do not own Rei Ayanami, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Shinji Ikari, Ryoji Kaji, or anything else associated with the Neon Genesis Evangelion universe.

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read my fic. For the moment this is a one-shot, however I may decide to make it longer, depending on reviews.

This is also my first fanfic. That does not mean you have to like it regardless of whether it's good or not, it just means I would appreciate it if you could offer me some constructive criticism on how to improve.

What I'm doing here is mostly an experiment, as I've never seen a fic like this before. I really tried to get Rei's character right, but I'm not sure how well I did.

Anyway, enjoy.

**UPDATE 22/12/06** After almost 9 months I've finally managed to get some cool from school and everything else bothersome in life that distracts me from writing, so I've completely revised the ending of this chapter, and I've decided to continue with this fic, so expect chapter one to be up in a day or two. Also thanks to everyone who reviewed!

(Note: I realize the ending may seem weird somehow but just trust me, I know what I'm doing.)

**Crimson Tears**  
**Prologue – A day in the life**

Extract from the diary of Rei Ayanami:

* * *

_29th of March 2015_

_Today was pretty much the same as most other days, besides the fact that I have decided to start keeping a diary. There is a possibility it will help me understand myself better._

_After getting out of bed this morning I took a shower for exactly five minutes, like I always do, then I put on my school uniform. When I was dressed I went into my kitchen to prepare my school lunch. I dislike preparing my own bread, but I do not understand why. I have to prepare my own bread, since I do not have any family to do it for me. I pushed back the feeling and continued._

_After my lunch was done I put it in my bag, put on my shoes and left for school. I walk to school every morning, It's come to my attention a lot of other people think it's odd to walk such a distance, but I do not mind. I like looking around at everything that is going on around me. I saw nothing of interest today, however._

_When I arrived at school it was quiet, hardly anyone else was there yet. I like it better that way, I don't have to interact with anyone else like that. That's why I always make sure to arrive half an hour early. After making my way to my classroom, which was still empty as well, I sat down behind my desk and put my bag down beside it. After that I started looking out the window next to my desk. I like looking out that window. In front of it is a tree, which usually has birds in it. There were a couple of birds there then, too, whistling happily and flying around. I like birds. _

_After sitting there for a while, I heard footsteps approaching. I didn't look up when the door opened, nor did they say anything to me as they walked past my desk. More students started coming in, but I tried to ignore them the same way they ignore me. I don't know why, but I have more trouble ignoring them every day._

_I heard footsteps approaching again, however I recognized this particular set of steps. I tried hard not to look away from the window as the door opened. In the window's reflection I saw Sohryu come in, followed shortly by Ikari._

_I dislike Sohryu. I like Ikari._

_Unlike the other students, Sohryu and Ikari made their way towards my desk. I… dislike it when people ignore me, but Sohryu appears to enjoy attempting to hurt me, which I dislike even more. After throwing a comment about what a 'wonderbitch' I was at me, she turned away and walked over to her friends. Ikari was still there though. I saw in the window's reflection that he was smiling, and then he said "Good morning, Ayanami." I wanted to reply, but I do not know very well what to do or say In such situations. Speaking was made even more difficult by my heart, which was beating at an increased rate._

_After waiting for a reply for a while, Ikari's face fell and he turned away as well, moving over to his two friends who had arrived by then. For some reason, this made my chest hurt. Logically pain would become easier to bear as time passed, but I feel like this every morning and it only gets worse._

_After that the teacher came in and class started. It went by rather uneventfully, though I heard my name whispered behind my back a number of times, and a few objects were thrown my way as well. There was nothing I could about this behavior however, so I simply continued to look out the window, ignoring the students and the teacher to the best of my ability. The teacher was not saying anything I did not know yet._

_When class ended I immediately put away my books and left, before Sohryu could tease me again. I walked up a number of staircases to the roof, which is the location I usually eat lunch. Not a large amount of people go there._

_I sat down at an empty table and took out my self-made lunch. It wasn't a lot, but at least it was something. However, when I looked around at the few other people who were there, who all had their lunches made by parents or partners, I felt the same feeling I feel every morning, when I make my own lunch. It was harder to ignore this time though._

_When I was done eating I made my way to our next class, which was music. When I got to the classroom only Kaji was there yet. He's our music teacher, but he told me to refer to him as Kaji. He smiled at me and greeted me, saying "Hey, Rei!" Kaji is always kind to me, which makes me feel warm inside, though it also makes Sohryu tease me even more. It appears to me as though she longs for an intimate relationship with Kaji, but I do not understand why, since everyone in our class knows that Kaji only thinks about our literature teacher. Kaji once asked me why I never smile, and I answered him that I don't know when I should smile, because no one every told me. He told me you're supposed to smile when you feel warm inside. I like Kaji. He always attempts to help me when I have a problem. I like Ikari more, however._

_After hearing his greeting I felt a little warmer, so I smiled at him a bit and returned his greeting, then I sat down on one of the couches and let Kaji continue with preparing our class._

_Other students started coming in, including Ikari and Sohryu, and then music class started. I like music, and I like playing the violin. I never play the violin and school though, even though Kaji said I play really well. The other students would just laugh at me._

_Kaji started with explaining some things I already knew, however I still played close attention to prevent myself from missing anything of importance. After that we were allowed to play instruments. Ikari played the cello, it was a beautiful melody even though I do not know what it is called. It made me feel warm, but I did not smile, since I knew Sohryu would tease me again if I did. Sohryu was playing a complicated piece on the piano, most likely to attempt to draw Kaji's attention. However, it did not work out the way she intended, as her musical abilities, while above average, are not good enough to play such a piece, and Kaji came over to tell her to play a more simple piece. I felt warm again, and I could not hold back my smile, which I quickly hid behind the book I was reading._

_I did not play any instrument. I just read one of the music books lying around in the classroom, trying to ignore several comments from Sohryu about me being a 'useless doll' and how I 'had no talents what-so-ever', until class ended._

_As I left, Kaji smiled at me, and I tried to smile back at him but I do not think I did very well. _

_The rest of the school day was nearly identical to first period. Nothing of interest occurred. When the bell of the final class rang, I quickly left the classroom and the school building, and started walking home. Right before I left the school grounds however, I saw Sohryu dragging Ikari by the hand behind her. Ikari smiled at me again, and I quickly turned away and started walking home again, not paying much attention to what was happening around me._

_Ikari could never care about me. As I cannot reach out to people, I can never get close to them. I am always alone._

_When I arrived home no one was waiting for me, so I went to my room and laid down, picked up the book on my nightstand and read a bit, but I couldn't concentrate so I put it away after seven minutes and decided I would simply sleep, though I had to write this first._

_That is what happened today._

_I… believe I understand myself better now, even if it is only a little.  
_

* * *

_30th of March 2015_

_Apart from a few minor differences, today was almost identical to yesterday. _

* * *

_31st of March 2015_

_Today was also the same._

* * *


	2. Chapter 1 Red eyes

Disclaimer: I have plenty of money so you can sue me all you want, I don't care.

Hey everyone! Happy to know someone's reading this, heh.

If you're wondering about the change of style, I figured it'd be too hard to write an entire fic in diary format, since this is my first ever fanfic. There isn't much Rei in this, nor a lot of drama or angst, but there'll be more of all that next chapters. I actually personally think this chapter's pretty boring but I had to get this done to set up the plot and introduce you-know-who. Just realize not the entire fic is gonna be this boring… heh.

Like I said, this is my first fanfic so I'd seriously appreciate constructive feedback.

Shameless advertising: I'm gonna try to give people a nice Christmassy feeling by putting up a nice, light NGE Christmas special sometime in the next six hours, so read that if you want.

Note: I cannot write Touji with an accent, but I tried anyway, so bear with it please.

**Crimson Tears**  
**Chapter 1 – Red eyes**

Kaji yawned as he drove his car out of the parking lot. He'd stayed up late last night checking saturday's tests. Originally he'd hoped to spend the night out with Misato, but she said she was busy.

'Busy… Sure, she's always busy lately. I don't see why she even bothers to come up with excuses anymore…'

Shaking his head Kaji tried to get the thoughts out of his head. Nothing would get better from him not having his mind on the road and getting himself killed. Besides, he had to teach first period and he was already running late. Pushing the pedal down in a maneuver not unlike Misato's usual driving – and berating himself for thinking of her yet again – he tried his hardest to not be too too late.

As he got near the school, he noticed a teenage boy walking along the sidewalk. Considering how rare the guy's appearance was it wasn't very hard for Kaji to recognize him. He pulled over and lowered his window. The guy smiled in recognition, but then Kaji had never actually seen him not smile.

"Greetings Kaji-san!"

"Hey, want a ride the rest of the way?"

"Thank you, I'd appreciate it."

* * *

Drumming her fingers on her arm, Asuka looked around the classroom again impatiently. In her opinion Monday's the best day of the week because she has music first period, meaning she gets to see Kaji. Of course, to see him she did need him to actually be there.

"Calm down already Asuka," Hikari told her smiling awkwardly. "I'm sure he's just a bit late."

The redhead glanced at her best friend before mumbling "Yeah, probably hung around with that woman all night…"

A few meter away the 'Three Stooges' as Asuka likes to call them were sitting at one of the three computers in the classroom. Well, Kensuke was sitting at the computer (doing stuff the other two couldn't comprehend, nor really want to) while Touji was balancing his chair on the back legs while talking about the two most interesting things in the universe, in his opinion.

"So da' game was tied and the clock was ticking but I wasn't about to lose! I took the ball from that ugly guy, ran forward and BAM! Dunked da' thing right in, winning us the game! And there was this really hot chick cheering me on too, with a chest like… ey? Shinji, ya' even list'ning?"

Our favorite anti-hero blinked and turned towards him saying "Wha?"

Kensuke smirked, not even needing to look away from the screen to know what was going on. "Forget it Touji, there's no point in talking to him. He's way off in either 'La-la-Asuka' or 'La-la-Rei' land. Probably Rei, since she can't catch him staring from this angle."

Shinji's face immediately turned red, showing he'd been right. He quickly looked towards Asuka to make sure she hadn't heard, 'cause if she had there'd be hell to pay. Well, there'd be hell to pay for one reason or another regardless, but for the moment he was safe as Asuka was still fuming over Kaji being late. Touji frowned at his friend and let his seat drop back on its front legs.

The jock looked his friend squarely in the eye. "Seriously dude, why don't you just go talk with Ayanami? Da' demon's a lost cause anyways." Shinji quickly averted his eyes making Touji groan while Kensuke just sighed. "We've asked you so many times and yet you never answer. Come on, we're your friends! If you won't tell us why you won't talk with her at least spill whether or not you really like her!"

Fortunately the boy was saved further nagging from his friends by the door suddenly opening. Asuka's glare immediately disappeared and she let out a loud yelp of "Kaji!" Sure enough, there was the eternally unshaven man, with a big apologetic grin on his face.

"Sorry for being late, I stayed up late last night checking your tests." He said as he walked over behind his desk. "But to make up for it I have an announcement for you all. We've got a new student." He turned towards the still open door and shouted "Come on in!"

As the boy came in most students' eyes widened, though the reason for that differed per student. He looked to be about fifteen. He had spiky silver-grey hair that partially fell over his face and his skin was a pale white. He was wearing the standard school uniform, black slacks with a white button-up shirt. He stood comfortably with his hands in his pockets and was smiling serenely, showing that he wasn't nervous, though he also didn't come across as someone who seemed arrogant.

Of course, the first thing anyone looked at was his dark red eyes.

"Greetings everyone! My name is Kaworu Nagisa," He made a slight bow. "Nice to meet you all."

Almost every single girl there was heavily staring at him right now. This guy is HOT! There were of course a few exceptions, mainly Asuka who was just annoyed the new guy got so much attention, and Rei, who was looking at him but wasn't all that interested.

"Okay then, you'll probably get to know everyone as we go along, just sit down somewhere for now while I hand out these tests." Kaji told Kaworu who nodded and sat down randomly on one of the couches. As Kaji started handing out the tests mumbled conversations immediately started all around concerning their new classmate. Meanwhile Kaworu just looked around to see if there was anyone interesting.

Most kids just looked like your average students. There were those peppy schoolgirls, tough guys, a group of three guys who looked like losers sitting at one of the computers, and so forth. He blinked when he saw a girl with blue hair sitting on a chair near one of the windows, but shrugged as he figured she was probably just one of those alto people who dye their hair and don't talk with anyone. Of course he wasn't judging people by the way they look, he'd be nice to them anyway. He continued his scan of the room until…

'Wow!' The red-eyed boy's eyes fell on the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen. She had long red hair, an amazing figure, a smile to die for… but most of all, her eyes were a beautiful blue, he felt like he could lose himself in those eyes if she looked at him. Kaworu's smile widened as he thought 'I think I'm really gonna like this school, heh.'

Said red haired, blue eyed beauty was currently smiling at Kaji, being more than happy to see him again as well as to have the chance to brag to Hikari and anyone else in the vicinity about how awesome she was for having an A. Hikari who had a B just smiled and told her "That's great!"

Touji had just been contemplating the possibility that that new guy was related to Ayanami when the three of them also received their tests back. Touji made a fit as he saw his C-, while Kensuke and Shinji just tried to calm him down. "It's just music, not the most important subject in the world. I've only got a B anyway too. What about you Shinji?" Shinji smiled and rubbed the back of his head "I've got an A…"

As Touji proceeded to flip out at his friend having a so much better grade (and not even having the decency to help him out during the test) Kaji finally got to the last student, Rei. He smiled at her and gave her her test back, and she smiled back at him weakly, taking her paper and putting it down on her desk without even looking at it. She knew what grade she got, it was always the same anyway. She glanced at Ikari before looking out the window again.

"Okay, now that you all have your tests back as far as I'm concerned you can all just play music, or read some of the books, or if you've been working hard lately it's fine with me if you take a brake and get on one of the computers." Kaji told the class. Only one person actually got on the computers, since generally the people who get good grades are the ones who work hard anyway.

Kaworu watched everyone get on with their business as Kaji approached him. "Kaworu, if you want you can just look around for today, or you can do whatever you want. It's your first day anyway." The boy glanced at him and chuckled "Not very strict are you?" Kaji grinned and told him "Nope," before walking back to his desk, leaning against it while watching everyone.

* * *

Class was the same as always. Rei read some of the books and listened to the others playing. Shinji and Kensuke were listening to Touji showing off his skill at playing the electric guitar (which Shinji wasn't enjoying much, not that Touji was that bad it just wasn't his taste) Asuka was playing a duet on the piano with Hikari. Kaworu just looked around, though he was mostly looking at Asuka.

As the class was nearing its end Kaworu noticed the piece the girls were playing was pretty complicated, especially Asuka's part. She was doing pretty well, though she did make several mistakes. Kaworu smiled to himself. 'Getting her attention will be too easy…'

Kaji sighed to himself and prepared to go tell Asuka to play something simpler again, but before he got the chance Kaworu pushed himself away from the wall he'd been leaning up against and moved over to the piano, standing behind Asuka for a bit until she noticed him.

Asuka stopped playing, looked over her shoulder in annoyance and said "What's your problem?" Kaworu just smiled at her and reached over her shoulders with his arms, before playing what she'd been playing before, only right this time. "You shouldn't play it so fast, and this accord right here should be a C, not a D, and…"

As Kaworu explained exactly what she'd been doing wrong, Asuka got more and more pissed off, until finally she got up, pushed him away and shouted "Since when are you the teacher! If I need something explained I'd think Kaji would be a million times better to do it than you are, so just GET LOST!"

Every student looked up at Asuka's outburst in surprise. Kaworu finally let his smile drop, but Kaji moved over behind him. "Actually Asuka, I think Kaworu here can play the piano a lot better than me. Maybe he should just explain it to you…"

Asuka gave him a hurt look – really hurt – and then the bell rang. Asuka's hurt face was quickly replaced by a scowl and she moved towards the door. Half-way there she stopped and turned around. "Baka-Shinji, get over here, I need you to carry my bag!" Shinji sighed and got up, following Asuka as they both left the classroom.

Kaworu looked at the two of them leaving, a hurt expression almost visible on his face. Hikari got up to follow after her friend, but turned to Kaworu first. "Sorry about that Nagisa, Asuka can be like that sometimes." Kaworu quickly recovered his smile and said "That's alright." Hikari returned his smile and left as well. Kaworu moved to leave the classroom as well but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around to see Touji. "'kay, listen here Nagisa, just let me give you a word of advice. That girl, Asuka, only falls for older men, specifically Kaji. She's also not very nice-" Kensuke quickly interjected "A demon!" and Touji continued "Yah, she's a demon, so I'd stay away from her if I were you."

After that both of them left to save their friend, and Kaworu just stared at the wall in front of him in thought for a few seconds before moving after them.

That Asuka girl did seem to like their teacher… but there was no way he'd return her feelings, so he wasn't worried about that. No… that boy seemed much more of a problem. Even thought she was mean to him, treated him like a slave and called him an idiot… somehow she didn't seem like the kind of person who'd willingly spend time with a guy she didn't like.

* * *

The red-eyed boy looked around. He'd followed the others out of the school. The five of them were sitting at a table talking with eachother.

Kaworu sighed. 'Looks like I'll have to give up on this girl before I even get a chance, since she obviously likes him and since he doesn't seem to mind being treated like a slave he probably likes her too…'

As he stood there sulking by himself, he suddenly noticed something. They were all talking, but that guy wasn't. He was staring at something. Kaworu followed his gaze up to the roof. From below you could really only recognize the color of her hair, but that was enough since not a lot of people have blue hair. He looked at the guy again and he was really staring at her. His smile widened into a grin as he walked over to their table.

"Hey." He said when he got close enough. "Is it okay if I sit with you guys?" He directed this question at Shinji who smiled back at him and said "Sure, go ahead!" As Kaworu sat down Asuka scowled and said "And what if certain people don't want that guy sitting with us?" Before he got the chance to defend himself, Touji said "Hey demon, this table isn't yours ya' know! If you dun' wanna' sit with this guy just go somewhere else!" The two of them glared at eachother for a while until the redhead huffed and looked to the side. Touji smirked at Kaworu and told him to sit down, which he did. "I'm Touji Suzahara by the way, and this geek right here is Kensuke Aida." Kaworu smiled and nodded. "I'm Shinji Ikari, nice to meet you Nagisa-kun!" Kaworu grinned at him and said "It's okay if you call me Kaworu, I prefer that." Shinji blinked before smiling awkwardly and telling him he can call him by his first name too. After that Hikari told him "I'm Hikari Horaki, and this right here is-"

"Asuka, right?" Kaworu cut her off. Asuka scowled at him again and told him "That's right, but I don't remember giving you permission to call me by my first name." The grey-haired boy just kept smiling and said "Fine, if that's what you want. What's your last name?" Asuka smirked and said "I'm Asuka Zeppelin Soryu!" Kaworu nodded. "Alright then, Soryu. However," He got up out of his seat. "There was something else I needed to do before next class, so I'll see you all later." Hikari smiled at him and said "Okay, it was nice meeting you!" The boy looked at them all and said "It was nice to meet you all too. Bye!" And with that he started walking away.

"So what do you think of that guy?" Hikari asked her friends. "He's a freak. Those red eyes make it even worse, he looks like the doll." Shinji frowned at Asuka and said "Asuka, please don't talk about both of them like that, Kaworu was nice…" Asuka scowled at him before smirking. "You know, I bet he's gay." The others at the table looked at her quizzically "What makes you think that?" Hikari asked. Asuka turned her head towards her and said "Come on, he asked Shinji to call him by his first name, even though they just met! And he just has that vibe you know… I'm telling you!" She actually managed to get the others thinking about it seriously, except Touji of course who figured Kaworu liked Asuka, but then it wasn't his business to tell them that… so instead he just grinned at Shinji and teased him saying "Not only popular with the girls anymore, huh Shinji?" Shinji just blushed wildly.

* * *

Kaworu made his way up the staircases while smiling to himself. He was sure he could get this girl now, all he had to do was to befriend both that Shinji guy and that alto girl and then get them together. Shinji seemed like a nice guy so becoming friends with him wouldn't be a problem.

As he reached the top of the staircase he looked around, and seeing Rei leaning against the railing eating her lunch he approached her. She noticed him and looked at her, it kind of unnerved him how she was staring at him but he ignored it.

"Hey." He greeted her and leaned against the railing next to her, which made some of the girls around there glare at her jealously. She glanced at him but didn't return his greeting. Kaworu looked at her and frowned a bit. "Why don't you say anything?"

Rei looked down at her food again the way she'd been doing before he came, and told him "I don't see why I would say anything to you."

The red-eyed boy blinked. He hadn't expected that answer. "Uhm…" Shaking his head, he smiled at her again. "I just figured I'd come over and talk to you, since you seemed to be standing all by yourself." It wasn't a total lie, he really did feel sorry for her standing on her own, but right now he had something he needed to do.

"Oh."

Kaworu blinked again as Rei put the last bit of her sandwich in her mouth. This girl was obviously not a big talker. She actually seemed to just be ignoring him. "So… what's your name?" Rei swallowed and answered "Rei Ayanami." Kaworu smiled at her and said "I'm Kaworu Nagisa, nice to meet you!" Rei didn't answer. At that moment the bell rang, so Rei picked up her bag and left, not even giving Kaworu a second glance.

Kaworu looked after her and sighed. This was obviously not going to be as easy as he thought.


End file.
